The Rapping Cavalier
Name: “Beebee Mackaness, among others”
Breed: “Cavalier King Charles Spaniel”
Chief Occupation: “Working lapdog and human trainer”
I am Beebee and I rule my house with a fluff-covered paw of iron. Need a masterclass in how to manipulate humans while making them believe they call the shots?
I am the doyenne. I think my array of pet names attests to quite how putty-like my family is in my paws: Liebling Beebling; Beeblemesister; Beebeeboo; Beebster and Weeble Beeble to name but a few.
As any Cavalier will tell you, we don’t have “owners”. “Mummy” and “Daddy” are more usual monikers we allow our humans to use. And on the subject of names, could I just clarify that I am a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, not to be muddled with a King Charles Spaniel. The latter looks similar to a Cavalier but is smaller with a flatter face and is a much rarer breed.
I am often greeted with cries of “How sweet. Is it a King Charles Cavalier?” Friends, I just keep wagging my tail. For making people think they are right and your best friend is the path to adoration, fuss and, most importantly, treats. If plain-old tail wagging doesn’t do the trick, the Cavalier head tilt never fails.
Knees together, I’m coming up
As a dedicated working lap, I’m never more content than when reposing on a knee. On entering a room, I do a quick sweep and find the largest lap available. Quite often this belongs to a man, which can be problematic as they generally lack training. Why do they insist on sitting with their legs so far apart? Most inconsiderate.
Why my head hurts
I enjoy walks but at a gentle pace. Sadly, like a great many Cavaliers, I suffer from a number of health conditions. The most serious is something with a hard-to-say name that is abbreviated to CM/SM. A neurologist would tell you our skulls are too small so our brains don’t fit in our heads comfortably. I think in my case it is that, as a canine genius, my brain is huge. Whatever the cause, it is quite literally a headache and slows me down considerably.
Despite being bred as lap dogs, healthy Cavaliers are game little companions who love chasing rabbits and going for long walks. This brings me to Isla, my canine “sister”. Isla is a ruby-coloured Cavalier and nearly two. She’s far too excited about life. Why simply walk up a field, Isla would think, when you can charge up and down it several times. You’d think she were auditioning for Dumbo the way she tears about, gears flapping furiously. While she is undoubtedly a pain, I do love having a fellow Cavalier for company but, as long as it is clear that I am most definitely top dog.
What I eat: even nappy cream
A particular passion of mine is food. I’ll eat just about anything; Party Rings and Curly Wurlies pinched from the children (my parents thoughtfully provided three of them for me to pilfer from), poo from all manner of species and, perhaps most famously, an entire tube of nappy cream including the tube.
I only drink Evian
Chronic pancreatitis is one of my ailments, and Mum once read that hard water can make it worse, so she only serves Evian. Rain water is out of the question as a water butt would block my view of the garden, although I do enjoy a slurp of earthy puddle water now and then.
The nappy cream incident resulted in a stay at the vets and a big bill as it caused a flare up of my pancreatitis. What with all the medication I’m on for this and my other problems, my humans must feel they are really getting their money’s worth from my pet insurance. Always thinking of others, that’s me.
Check out my own rap video
Altruism ought to be my middle name. When I’m not making humans feel special, I work hard to raise awareness of the health issues facing Cavaliers and how important it is to buy from breeders who health test. I’m one of the poster-girls of this campaign, having made several pop videos (including my very own rap.. view it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu9OqwWJwGo) and even appeared on BBC Radio 4. I’m told that I stole the show when I snored through the man from the Kennel Club talking.
Kipping is a real talent of mine, which reminds me it must be snooze o’clock. So please excuse me while I find a suitably soft knee or, if things get desperate, exclusive use of a three-seater sofa.